that old familiar feeling...

the itching feeling inside my ears, the hot flashes, the tickly throat--
i am getting sick.

after a particularly hard thursday and friday, its no wonder that now my body chooses to get ill-- my defenses are completely worn down at this point. since the beginning of school i have done a great job of holding everything together, but the end of this week was totally exhausting.

thursday marked what was probably my worst day at school-- a fire drill during my 2nd period class set my lesson plans off-kilter, then my 10th graders (read: evil children) locked me in my classroom. actually, it is someone else's classroom, but they stole the door handle off the inside of the door as they came in to class. this left the handful of tardy students locked out from the outside, and left me and the rest of the class locked inside. after trying to get them to give up the handle, i told them that it was the stupidest thing they could do to lock themselves in the room with me, because not only was no one going out the window (we're on the 7th floor), but they were now stuck in a room with a very pissed off teacher.

after about five minutes, the handle came skittering across the floor and i let the rest of my class in. we got nothing done that period.

then, the period directly following, i returned to my own classroom to teach what is my largest 11th grade class. there were a few students from the previous class lingering in the room and about 10 of my students settling in when my door jams. i have been after maintenence to fix it for two weeks now, as its been getting progressively harder to open, lock, etc, but this time it just stuck. no one could open it from either side and chaos ensued. the kids in class didn't want me to let the loud kids in the hall in ("Miss, this will be the quietest this class has ever been!") and the kids in the hall were shouting as if they'd been intentionally locked out ("We have to bust the door in! Tamika, let's use your head!"). I tried calling the office from my cell (no answer) and it took 20 minutes for maintenence to show up to start dismantling the door handle completely. in the melee, half of the kids locked out just decided to leave. once we finally got the door open, again, we got nothing done.

fabulous.

i think i might be the only teacher in history to get locked in their own classroom twice in one day.

friday was rough too, more so for personal reasons than school reasons, though i had the evil 10th graders again. they made me crazy-- in the middle of class they decided to stage an impromtu dance party, knocking over desks and chairs and making a dance circle. i just watched.

these kids are hard to deal with-- they're the bad group of the 10th grade and they have no respect for anyone. i have to constantly watch them or they'll steal things (and i always teach them in other people's classrooms), they write on anything they can get their hands on, and they're constantly yelling at each other.

they're also very homophobic, which is great. if i had a dollar for every time they called someone or something else gay, i could retire.
yikes.

i am in the process of figuring out how i am going to deal with them next week.

its saturday, i'm exhausted, and getting sick. thank god for rosh hashanah this week.

You can stand under my umbrella.

Like the umbrellas that litter the tracks of the d train line,
I am tired from a long day's work, fighting forces of nature bigger than me,
and I lay here, a little broken.
Not broken beyond repair, but I have outlived my five dollar life span,
have done my best to shield against the driving rain and gusty winds
and at the time when I need just a little fixing,
I am tossed away with yesterdays free newspaper and an old gum wrapper.
So loved in times of panic, so lost in times of sun,
this is the life of a five dollar umbrella.

things that i have learned

1. urban kids are way obsessed with piercings and tattoos. they will ask you about them over and over, usually while you're talking about something else.
2. they will do anything to get what they want. i got more compliments on my hair and my tie on the day of my first test than i have the entire time here
3. they do not understand why you drink so much water
4. just because someone takes notes and does the work does not mean they understand
5. sometimes the kid who does nothing in class will ace your test
6. sometimes it is better to ignore their misbehavior than to address it. the less time you spend yelling, the better
7. they care so much about what other people think of them, that if you make it uncool to talk, they'll finally shut the hell up.
8. candy works wonders
9. they are gayer than you think
10. they will act like they hate you in class, but they love you in the hallway.
11. they desperately want your approval, even when they tell you they don't care
12. sometimes, it is just better to let them sleep

A week and a few days

Looking back on my first full week, plus a few days, has been a great tool thus far. My first week went better than I had expected, in retrospect. I was prepared for the worst and for the most part have been pretty lucky with the students I have and the great faculty I work with. My surprise of the year came when I found out that in addition to my 16 periods of earth science, that I would also be teaching 3 periods a week of “literacy support” to 10th graders. Essentially, my school is trying to prepare the 10th graders for the litany of Regents tests they’ll have this year as best they can, and for some reason they think having an 11th grade science teacher working with them three hours a week is going to help. Fortunately for them I was a liberal arts major in college, not a science geek, and have a pretty healthy amount of opinions and tactics at hand to help get kids more involved with reading and writing. They have been by far my most challenging group—I think there was something wrong with the water the year they were born because the 10th grade class at everyone’s school seems to be the worst. Still, no one is threatening to pee on my desk, which means I’m better off than some.
Looking forward to next week and the week after, as I am getting exponentially more comfortable with this as time goes on.